Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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