I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
