pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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