Can Purell be used as lube?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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