He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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