Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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