Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
