i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
