Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
