how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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