Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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