Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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