Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
