She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize