I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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