she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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