Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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