did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high enough for therapy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize