shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
