Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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