Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
