Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My bed smells like the plague
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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