so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
