Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
