ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
