You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
