i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
