I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
