you traded sex for a burrito?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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