im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
