remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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