One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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