hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
