if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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