Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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