Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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