Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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