Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
