I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
