peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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