just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
