Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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