My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
