Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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