It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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