I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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