I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
