haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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