I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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