Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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