Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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