Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
