Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
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I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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