Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
