You're completely useless in the revolution.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
