Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
