So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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