Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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