my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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