this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
