Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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