Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
