I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i will never coherently bang her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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