we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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