Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
