I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
